Crisis, Threat or Opportunity

Crisis is defined as an emergency, disaster or catastrophe. However, it is also defined as a turning point, crossroads or moment of truth. The Chinese have a symbol for crisis that contains two characters, one meaning dangerous threat while the other, opportunity.

While crisis holds the threat of loss on many levels, it also holds the opportunity for an awakening. Caregivers face crisis as an on-going challenge throughout all stages of caring for a loved one. In fact, it is the doorway through which most of us enter when beginning the caregiving experience. Unprepared and perhaps in denial, we all find ourselves in the tortuous domino effect of reacting to crisis after crisis, losing ground as each event unfolds.

The fires in California, where I lived for 5 years, is a tragic reminder of how a lack of mitigation in advance can take a horrible situation and make it so much worse. 

The top professionals summarize the principles behind Disaster Preparedness when events are acute within a compressed time frame and mistakes are costly. 

Prepare, prevent, mitigate the impact...and it starts with early recognition.

Ricky Crawford former LAFD fire chief says that a plan is your insurance policy.

So how exactly can caregivers turn what has the potential to be catastrophic into a life-changing experience? 

What we learn throughout the years of caregiving depends largely upon our focus. If every turn brings more tension and blame, the experience can ultimately destroy a family. But caregiving is a time when we can also be spiritually lifted above issues and circumstances if we are in the right state of mind or should I say……. heart.

We’ve all witnessed people who have been through natural disasters and emerged with a renewed spirit as they pull together focusing on community as a whole versus their own personal loss. The communities of North Carolina banned together, helping each other in the face of grave personal challenges and loss. How do we explain the resilience of the human spirit in the face of such tragedy when lives are on the line? 

It's the focus beyond oneself, beyond our own needs that makes a community thrive in the face of tragedy giving each a distinctive role, if taken, and finding their own unique ability to contribute.

In crisis we are forced to draw on our inner strength and spirit. In this most vulnerable and raw state, a rare clarity emerges about life and what’s important. Crisis accelerates the choice to move beyond our day to day excuses or lack of focus on what matters most. The emotions of grief and loss, if channeled, can indeed transform your perspective, your actions, your relationships…..and most of all your heart. 

In caregiving, crisis comes in a slightly different form. Although caregivers have life threatening events they have to handle, their personal crisis is not event driven, but rather driven by the hours and hours of isolation, grief and even loss of identity. 

The feeling of nowhere to turn and the question of who am I now?...... relentlessly haunts us having sacrificed our own goals to care for a loved one. Unless you choose to focus inward for this “hero’s journey”, it’s easy to get lost, perhaps forever.

What saves a caregiver who is facing this dilemma?

Throughout the hours, days and years if you can learn to see the beauty in your father’s smile rather than the Alzheimer’s that is taking him away from you, you can rise above your feelings of sadness and overwhelm. 

A new sense of freedom emerges grounded in the knowledge that circumstances do not define who you are.

We all have the ability to be transformed by hardship when we focus on how we can make a difference instead of being drowned by grief or resentment.

We need to also pay attention to what others have learned so that we don’t make the same mistakes. The California disaster victim’s complaints, once reality set in were... no plan, no alerts, no resources even though they knew it was coming.

We all have parents who will all age.

We know caregiving is coming.